FINALS!!!

Wow its been quite a while since I've posted :( Thats how busy I've been... I have my last two finals tomorrow and Wednesday.. then after that I can exhale! The last monsters are genetics and organic.

I didnt do well this semester....There, I said it. It's the truth though :( i think I took on way too much. Even after dropping calculus, I still felt a huge weight over me. I wound up with a C+ in zoology, and I am expecting a B+ in my genetics lab.. the rest of the grades will come later.

My next mission is to try and find a DO to shadow. I think over the next few vacation weeks, ill have time to commit to that as well as much more time to commit to the lab. I've been making myself scarce over there with all the work Ive been doing. Hopefully If i put in more time when finals are over, I'll be able to go in when he is not there and work more around my schedule. Anyways, yes, about the DO. I think I"ve mentioned before that I'm starting to consider other avenues...I'm not giving up, I'm just being more - open minded about my options.

This is going to be a short post because A) I'm tired B) I'm tired C) I have to make sense of this stuff called organic chemistry.

I shall return when the worst is over. Cross your fingers. Wish me luck.

The cat...

...is out of the bag. Yup. My mission is blown. I should have known that my undercover mission would not be so undercover for long. Okay, its a long story of how it surfaced and I dont have the energy to go into detail but lets just say that the bf inadvertently mentioned it in front of my parents - twice. AFTER i told him not to the first time! So. Frustrating.

It wasnt until the second slip of the tongue did my parents mention it to me. The kicker is this: my parents got upset because they think that I'm telling bf that I want to go to medical school JUST to impress him (bf is a 3rd yr resident).. I think I was more humored than upset when they said that... I mean, if they only knew... if they only knew..

anyways, enough of that. I dont want to upset myself - again.

I had my 3rd Genetics exam today (so much for not wanting to upset myself again...) Actually, I think it went alright. We were allowed to bring in a page of notes with us :) Open note tests are usually a pain in the arse... but i think I managed: Pedigrees, Chi Squares, Hardy Weinberg, evolutionary genetics, population genetics, Mendelian genetics, punnett squares... ARGH!!

Now I have about a week of "free time" before my next exam, which I think is on the 4th of Dec. Good ol' organic chemistry. I'm finally going to take a break from studying tonight and pick up a pleasure book, or should I say, pick up a kindle? Those things are quite interesting. I got one for my birthday and have already downloaded a nerdy science book onto it :) Surprised?



Oh, one more thing: I'm actually starting to consider D.O. Crazy right? I was so against it up until recently. I mean, not "against it" in a really bad way... I just wasnt interested I guess because I didnt know enough about it... I did more research and there is a DO school in the area that I'm going to consider. Now that the reality of my grades are setting in, I have to be open to more options.

Well, that is the latest. I love it: I have goals that I cant attain, a mission that is no longer my business, parents that think I "cant do it," grades that are laughable, and I'm sitting here with a glass of jamaican rum updating a blog that has an audience of one. Me.

So this is the last post probably until after Thanksgiving... I cannot wait to gorge myself. Food coma, here I come. Okay well not really but I'm definately craving turkey. Sucks to be a vegetarian... I'm also going to try my hand at pumpkin chocolate chip bread and baked sugar coated pecans to bring to dinner with the bf. Both of those sound fabulous.. I'm not much of a baker, but it sounds good enough to try :)

Happy Birthday to me!

Yes, thats right the big 2 - 6. Time definitely does fly by....here I am rounding up to 30 and I'm still dreaming about "what I want to be when I grow up" like I'm a 4 year old. I suppose its better late than never.. at least I'm being active in trying to pursue what I really want. There is nothing worse than wondering "what if" for the rest of your life. What if I didn't step out and take a chance at what I really wanted to accomplish? ... Every year I usually cry on my birthday or at least get a bit teary eyed because I cant stand the fact that I'm only getting older and I still dont have anything to show for. This year I didnt cry or get teary and I'm not sure why... I mean, not that I wanted to or anything, but I usually get down on myself. I guess it's a good thing that I didn't do that this year. Maybe my goals seem like that much more of a reality to me so I can face them practically. I dont know, I could theorize about it all day.

Anyhow, so 30 minutes and then my birthday will be over. So fast, so fast. At least today was my "light day" in school. All I did today was go to my tutoring in the morning and then my genetics lab in the afternoon. (I skipped genetics lecture because I had to study.) I know I shouldnt skip class but its not like it wasnt for a good reason.

Speaking of classes, I think I pretty much finalized my Spring schedule: Physics II, cell bio, neuroscience (lab), stat I. Thankfully, I dont have to take the lab for cell bio really.... I'm finished with my lab requirements anyways... The only thing is my neuroscience class requires that we take the corresponding lab :( Ugh.... It's not like I'm not a fan of labs, because I am, the problem is that I'm not sure I want to take a class that I truly dont "need." I'll think about it....

Wow, i just got really tired... Until next time..

spring 2010 courses continued....

Something fishy is going on with the course selection for the spring... most of the classes that I need to take arent being offered or they request that we get the instructors permission to take the class! I can understand that if it were some crazy 5000 level course, but for basic Physics II? That doesnt seem right. Since I'll be taking calculus (again) I emailed the professor for an override, and go figure, I got an email back saying that his class has a waiting list and not only that, he does no intend on letting anymore people into the class. Fine. Don't. Sad thing is, that he apparently is one of the better profs. I'm still not sure what to do about my math situation: take calc I again, or go for stat I first?

Same goes for anatomy. Apparently, they arent offering it to anyone other than pre-nursing students or students that are in the health science program. Of course, how convenient, I'm neither.

By the way, if i even knew that the health science program existed at my school, I would have done that from the get go....

In any case...I have to see about it after 9am tomorrow. If I could get in to that class, that would be great, but I'm still more interested in neuroscience..... I think I"m just flaking out for the easier course :(

On another note, my research lab today was a bit dreary... I walk in, and of course my boss is nowhere to be found... 25 min later, I find out that he's in some meeting. Thank you so much for letting me know you wont be in... After an hour of waiting I decided to leave. I guess him and I will talk it over on friday... but thank you, neuro department, for letting me borrow several of your neurology books ;) "The Synopsis of Neurology."

Spring 2010 courses

So, I've been tossing around some ideas for what I'm going to take next semester. Let me just start by saying, I'm definately going to wind up overflowing into summer because 1) my math requirement still has to be dealt with and 2) I just found out that I have one more upper division bio elective to take.

I figured this would happen, so I'm not that devastated. Here is the news with my courses: I'm dying to take neuroscience... the school didnt give me much of a choice since I have to choose from either that, forensic bio (which is not even being offered) and developmental bio (which isnt being offered either)... good thing they opened up human anatomy.. at least I have an option.

Still, I think I"m leaning toward neuroscience... not only does is sound incredibly interesting, it only makes sense because I'm doing neuro research and I can learn that much more! Too bad the professor is hard.. I hear his exams are satans work.

I'll think about it.. but so far here is the lineup:

Neuroscience or anatomy
physics II
intro to stats I
cell bio or an elective

Rocky Path

It's halfway through the semester and I'm not even close to being as satisfied with my performance as I should be. I just had my third organic chem test today. Boy do I need to redeem myself.... I hope I did well. What annoys the crap out of me is the fact that I JUST got my hands on my professors old exams since 2006. (!!!!!) I compared the first 2009 test to the one in 2006 and they are EXTREMELY similar!! I guess he figured that 3 years is enough time to wait before he can pretty much cut and paste most of the questions.... I cant get over the fact that if I had those tests I would have dont much better on my exams...

Ok granted, i shouldnt rely on old exams to get me through organic chem, but I need all the boost I can get! Whats wrong with a little jump start? Anyways, my friend told me not to dwell on what has already passed....He's right. I have to just move on. Test taken, move on.

....And now that I've moved on, i can concentrate finally on genetics and zoology. We have a genetics project coming up so thats something different to look forward to. Finally - something creative!! We have to create a brochure on a genetic disease. You know, the brochures that you pick up at the doctors office that tells you about a certain disease or illness? That.

Should be good.

The professor apparently is going to choose the top 10... then from that, choose the top 5, and the top 5 groups will present their brochure and receive extra points on the final exam :)



My research seems to have plateaued for now... we - or should I say "I".. am still in the middle of data crunching. There is so much information it drives me nuts... So this is what I have to do: I have to make a graph that plots the magnitude of blood flow during several time points, from different locations on the brain, and from different mice. I'm almost convinced that is impossible. MY boss said it was a "three dimensional graph" but I"m pretty sure I count 4 variables.
1) magnitude
2) time
3) mice
4) brain location

Impossible...

I was playing around with several options though but didnt come up with anything especially promising yet. I guess I have until Monday when my boos returns from his trip to Memphis.....

It's way past my bed time.. I'm doing more yawning than typing. Shadowing tomorrow!!

I'm still on track..

..but it's been pretty difficult thus far. Nothing seems to be going smoothly and I have no idea why. My grades arent where they need to be and i feel like all of my posts have some sort of bitching and complaining about this. I have my second zoology test tomorrow... I cant stand that class. There, I said it. The exams are rediculous, the professor is drab, and frankly I'm not sure how interested i am in learning about crustacea. But oh well, it is what is it...

I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon in the library studying - after my shadowing this morning, and after my genetics class. Thankfully the next genetics exam is not till Nov 24th, so I dont have to go crazy just yet.

I should get ready for shadowing...

Till next time.

Pleasant Surprise

...And I was sure I failed my genetics lab midterm. I came out with an 84. Not bad.... although Im not sure how the girl next to me, who never really has a clue what is going on, got a 91. Oh well, it is what is it. So thats good news!

More good news: I picked up my anti-depressants and my anti-anxiety medication today. I battled with the pharmacy all day though... I went there three times and I was going to lose my mind. Go figure I lose my mind trying to get anti-anxiety medication... After a bunch of phone calls, all was resolved and I got what I needed. Even though Im taking the minimum dosage, I still feel a bit dizzy. Ive taken these pills before a few years ago, so Im familiar with the side effects..I was pretty nauseous this afternoon and I swore I was going to throw up.. but I'm alright now. Hopefully it will subside soon...

On that note, it is way past my bedtime. Ugh, tomorrows Wednesday..., my long day :-/

I'm still alive!

Wow so apparently a lot of time has passed since I last posted :( so much has been going on, its rediculous...

As far as my classes, the bad news is, I had to drop calculus. I KNEW I shouldnt have tried to be a hero and take all of those insanely hard classes at the same time... I have a zillion DR grades on my transcript now :( Organic chemistry is practically kicking my ass. I didnt do well on the first test, nor did I do well on the second test... The "good news" here is that he allows us to drop one exam... I'll drop the lesser of the two evils. Also, the final is worth 50% of our grade, so there is some chance of redemption... I just have to work really really really (really) hard... AGH!!!!

Everything else is going alright... genetics is tolerable. Zoology is just - well, zoology...

My research has been drying up slightly... we arent working on a particular experiment at the moment, so I'm stuck in front of the computer doodling around with brain slice images... I hope that picks up soon.

Shadowing, however, has been great. The doctor i shadow rotates between hospitals on campus so I've been to his private office, and two other hospitals, and I've been on two rounds. What an experience!! Next week, I'm back in the private office with him.

I feel badly for my tutor, by the way. Apparently she is on the verge of losing her job, not because she's a bad tutor (she is stellar, in fact), but because shes not actually taking classes this semester and they were telling her that if she isn't an actively enrolled student, then she cant work on campus under "student' status. I can understand that though.. I've had problems with that in the past as well. But its so frustrating.. especially since she has so many students that depend on her for help. In light of that, I think, in order to help my calculus problem, I'm going to have her tutor me in college algebra and trig. I need the foundation in order to finally be able to pass calc. This is becoming a damn joke. Ad coms are going to look at my transcript and fold it into a paper airplane.

The funny thing is, when I was shadowing the other day, one of the residents was asking me about my background etc... I started telling him about my research, my activities, my work, my diverse (really diverse) background ... he looked up, smiled, and said, "Well, you dont seem like you'll have a problem getting in then!"

HA!!!!

Of course I smiled back and thanked him... He's right though, if adcoms didnt look at grades, then yes, I wouldnt have a problem getting in... but grades? Therein lies the problem. I'm just not a good test taker and it isnt fucking fair. But, I'm not going to give up this time.

My parents certainly seemed to have given up on me though. My dad told me that if i dont finish my bio degree in the spring then he will no longer help me pay for my classes. Part of me finds that hard to believe because, well, he's vowed to always support my education. But thats not the point! It's about time I let go of the coat tails. I shouldn't have told him that I'd be able to crank out my degree in two semesters... I should have said it would take me three. Leeway, thats what I need. But spreading myself too thin is has always been my biggest downfall.

Lets see where this takes me.

Still a bumpy ride..

I just wanted to post real quickly and mention that, yes i am still alive. School is kicking my ass. Maybe it's because I have been out of the loop for so long? Maybe I over-study? Maybe I'm too anxious? Whatever it is, it needs to be fixed. Fast.

I have another organic test this wednesday.... I think i sufficiently prepared for that test but we'll see... I'm going to do something differently this time and I hope it helps: as soon as I sit down, i'm going to write down every reaction and every mechanism I know, that way I wont panic when I start reading the questions.. I'll have it already written down.. I've done that in the past (for my math exams) and it seemed to work.

On the research side, we havent been testing as many mice lately. My boss has been under the weather for the past few days..Maybe that is a factor, i dont know.... in the meantime, I've just been working at the computer at the lab, organizing the slides etc. Cant wait to get started on those mice again!

Anyways, I"m not sure where this journey is taking me but the pressure is certainly on. At one point I was convinced I'd be pulling all A's, now I'm just worried about passing!! Why can't I just get the A's that I need? ...

There is just so much for work piling up - and fast. I'm supposed to meet with my genetics study buddy tomorrow but I havent even touched the book yet :( I've been so busy with calc and orgo that I've totally neglected genetics. To add more icing to the cake, apparently that test is going to be harder than the first!!


ARGH!!!!!!!!!

Oh! I should also add, on a better note, that I did find a notetaker! She is actually my tutor as well and I figured that she would be the best candidate considering that she knows my learning style and I know her teaching style.. So far so good. Calc test this coming monday :(
Fingers crossed.

Just here.

No new and exciting updates lately... I just thought I would post something - anything - while I'm enjoying my morning coffee...

After the drama with my calc prof, and since I've been on the prowl for a notetaker, I decided to ask my tutor if she would be willing to do it. Of course I'd pay her... There have been obstacles in finding a note taker:

1) Who would want to go to a calc class at 7am Mon, Wed, and Fri?
2) I dont just want anyone. I want someone who UNDERSTANDS the material and who can translate it in a way that I can understand it.
3) Someone who somewhat cares about me doing well in that class.

Thankfully I had already built a slight relationship with my tutor since she started meeting with me about a month and change before I asked her. She knows my learning style and I know her teaching style. Perfect.


I also have my first zoology test coming up.. Now, I like zoology and all, interesting etc... but my prof's notes are a horrendous, jumbled mix of shit that I cant make sense of. Words are spelled incorrectly and there is no organization, no flow... I mean, why bother giving us an outline if we cant make sense of it!?

I know, it seems like all I'm doing is complaining, but this is the reality of that class. Our test is this friday - I have 4 days to make sense of it.

Alright, time to start my day.

Part 1: Rounds, Part 2: Calc

PART 1:

What a morning! I was surprised that I was able to find my way around the campus to the (vicinity of) the building I was supposed to go to. I had rushed to get into my car so quickly - and with about fifty things in hand, I had left the map I printed back in my room. So, it was useless.

I parked in the public parking lot across the street and walked into the main area.... The security guard eyed my ID (which I had hanging off my belt clip) so I showed it to her up close and she kindly gave me directions to the West Wing part of the building.

As Dr. A said, just "find us on the neuro floor." Okay, well that means I'd have to kind of wander around until I saw a group of people in a patients room. Well I did just that, and no group of people to be found. I finally went over to the nurses station and asked one of the nurses. He then took me back down the hall to a conference room and opened the door where Dr. A and about 12 residents sat around a table. It was one of those moments where the room just goes silent and they all turn to look at you like you are from another planet. Thankfully Dr. A spoke up while I just stood there like a dumbass not knowing what to do.

"This is Victoria, she is a student. She hopes to go to medical school one day." Light mumbling amongst the residents...


"..Yes.. hopefully one day."

"So today, she'll be joining us on rounds.." The residents look around the room and nod...

I finally sat down and let the resident who was presenting a case, finish.

As it turned out, they started rounds at 8AM on the radiology floor, but I didnt join them until 9:15 so I wasnt able to see as much. But the experience was fabulous! We saw 3 patients, all of whom had suffered from a severe stroke. At a few points I was unable to hear what the attending was saying since there were so many of us trying to cram into one room, I amongst others sometimes wound up overflowing out into the hall.

In any case, the rounds ended on the nuclear imaging floor. We went downstairs to check on an epileptic patient.

I'll have to admit, I'm surprised by how friendly the residents were. Friendly and receptive. I mean, not that I was expecting them to be nasty to me, but in walks some random student, I wouldnt blame them if they were offset by it. Completely the opposite response! They were all gathering around me, asking me questions like When are you applying? Do you want to go here? How did you get in touch with Dr. A? Are you almost finished with classes? So your really into neurology, huh? The list goes on....

One resident was even kind enough to give me the contact name of one of the pre-med advisors who organizes mentorship programs with the medical students and undergrads. :P

All in all, it was a great day. The residents bought me coffee and asked me to join them again next week at 8am when they start off on the radiology floor. I'll have to check with Dr. A :)



PART 2:

On a completely different - and slightly upsetting note - let's talk about my grades. See, all of the above that I just typed, all of my research experiences, my shadowing experiences, all of that means squat (in some respects) if i cant get the grades to support it! What good are all those great things on the side if I have a GPA of -0.55?? I'm working SO hard. Yes, I can be as smart as the other guy who brings home the A's, the only difference is that I have to work that much harder because I'm not a great test taker, I'm not a great regurgitator of information. I can write a killer essay, but I cant do a 10 page multiple choice question exam on the same topic!

I went to speak with my calc professor because I was concerned with my first exam grade, which, by the way, is completely horrific, it took me 15 min to come up with the guts to show my tutor. I expressed my concerns to my prof, told her that I was taking advantage of all of my help resources, I even have special testing accommodations, yadda yadda.... It wasnt like I was trying to squeeze out a few extra points on my test, I just wanted her "advice" on how I should proceed with this class.

She looked at me, arms crossed, and said: "Well what do you want me to do about it? Look, please dont burden me with this stuff. I just report the grades...."

Oh. My. God.


...I know..

Part of me wanted to cry, and the other part of me wanted to toss her through the glass door. I couldnt believe what I was hearing! What kind of a professor can sit there and say that to a student??

She went on to talk about how many other students have come in with the same problem and that she couldnt help them etc... she said that she has problems of her own - and I quote - "suicides, divorce, cancer, death, alcoholism.."
I'm sorry, that is sad yes, but what on Earth do YOUR personal problems have to do with the fact that this freakin course is pretty much the ONLY thing that is holding me back from getting my degree?! My GOODNESS people.

Im stuck with this professor for the rest of the semester needless to say.... I"m not going to give up though. I've been working hard, i'll just have to work harder. And once I work harder, I'll just have to work that much harder. It's not often you get two 2nd chances, and I'm not letting this one slip away.

Good news!

I'm extremely exhausted but I had to add a bit of good news in here to end the day :)

Well, we know that I usually shadow the neurologist in his clinic, the private practice offices. Last week he was not in because he was on call at the hospital and told me to come by the office this week. I emailed him yesterday to confirm and this is what he replied:

I forgot that I am on service at Jackson for this week and next. Why don’t you join us on rounds on thurs? You can find us on West Wing 11 (neurology floorr).


!!!!!!!!!!

Is he joking?!? Yes, thats what I asked myself at first. No actually, I thought he was going to shut me down and tell me to forget about coming in - But this - this is even better!! I was NOT expecting it at all. Even though it is probably completely against protocol *shhhh*.... it's still going to be a great experience. I'm actually accompanying the chief of neurology on his rounds. Amazing :) And yes, I am particularly nervous... Soooo... I'm just supposed to waltz in, go to the neurology floor and find Dr. A?

I guess so.

I'll post what happens after thursday. :)


P.S I finally got my ID badge and access card for my research lab - whew!

(0_o)

^ That is how i feel.

I've had quite a weekend... My first calculus test is tomorrow and since I completely lack the part of the brain which would allow me to process numbers like everyone else, i've been in a bit of a jam. Luckily I found a fabulous tutor who not only explains things wonderfully to me, she actually CARES enough to spend the time to make sure I understand it. Tutors like that that are hard to come by... most of them just want their money and dont care how you perform.

I told my tutor that I wanted to study over the weekend. Fair enough? I secretly prayed she didnt have anything huge going on, otherwise, like i said before, I'd be screwed. Not only did we meet both on saturday and sunday, we met early. And I mean that in every sense of the word.
Saturday: 5:30am - 7:30am
Sunday: 7:00am - 9:00am.... (we "pushed it to 7am" so I could "sleep in")

Yes, that is what my days have been like. All week long. But hey, it's for the greater good. Let's not lose sight of the task at hand , yes? So here's my schedule tomorrow:

5:00am - rise and shine (zero emphasis on the "shine"... since it's still as dark as a cave when I wake)
5:00am-5:15am - stare into space and wait until my snooze goes off
5:15am - 6:30am - shower, change, coffee, breakfast (and all this takes that much longer because I have to move slower so as to not make that much noise for my roommate, down the hall..)
6:30am - drive to class
7:00am - 8:50am - CALC TEST (-_-)
9:00am - 9:40am - mini tutoring session that my tutor took the liberty of scheduling for me. Thank you :)
9:45am - ?:00am - appointment at the health clinic so I can hopefully get new anti-anxiety meds
11:00am - 1:50pm - a wonderful medley of organic chem, zoology, and a sliver to time to eat lunch
3:00pm - 6:00pm - spend some time in the neuro lab
7:30pm - 9:30pm - study study study study.....
10:00pm - ZzZzZzzzz.....

I'm losing brain function. I actually think i will take a nap. I'm also going to try my hardest not to get overworked, overstressed, over-anything. Darn, I think it is my turn to cook dinner tonight for my roommate and I, too. Ugh, I havent the energy to cook! I wonder what he'd say if I tossed a can of tuna on the table. Bumblebee Chunk Light in Water. Well, we are both trying to eat healthier......

I'm on the train and I'm NOT getting off!

For some reason, the notion that I didnt do as well as I thought I would on my first organic exam is making me all the more motivated. We went over the exam today in class - it was only 10 questions. Im really not a fan of going over the exam in class but you notice the faces of people who did really well and those who completely failed. I wonder what my face looked like.

Then you have those groups of people who hiss yesssssss when they get an answer correct. Like a bunch of obnoxious children. Please dont hiss in my ear, thank you. Then you have those people who scamper up to the professor after class is over, trying to haggle him for extra credit. At least he curves. Well.

The catch is this: I had this professor before. The first time I took the class, I got a 54 on his exam, which curved up to a B. Let's see if he is lenient this time....


I'm not happy with the way the test went, I'm really not. REALLY not. The upside (yes, there is actually an upside) is that he will drop the lowest grade. I just want to scream right now...



Today is NOT a good day.

Stressing.

The past few days have been insane... (aside from the familial drama) my organic chem test was alright, but now I have my calc test to look forward to. This is like the third time I'm taking this class and I HAVE to get through it this time. Obviously. Math is not my thing.

Anyways, the biggest obstacle that I've come across is finding someone to tutor me constantly because, well, I need it constantly. My professor is horrible so that makes this all the more brutal. I go to the tutoring center on campus and I've been meeting with someone about twice a week for an hour each time. That simply is not enough. I asked her if she would be willing to meet with me on the side if I paid her a little more than the Center was paying her. Course she agreed, so hopefully I can set something up this weekend. If not, then I'm screwed. I really am. I cant teach myself what I dont know!! Keep your fingers crossed.

On a good note.... - well I'm not sure there is a good note today. My roommate is making tamales for dinner and afterwards, I have to drive him to pick up his car, which he left on campus last night. Good job. So that takes away precious study time.

I havent touched zoology in a few days because ive been so bogged down with my other classes so I think I'll add that to the menu tonight. I certainly dont want to leave zoology until a week before the exam (which is in the beginning of Oct)


I. am. so. tired.


Oh! How can I forget?! I got an email today from my supervisor at the neuro lab where I assist and my paperwork finally went through! Which means that I can finally learn how to do the art lines and caths on the mice and become much more involved in the overall experiments. Plus I get my very own snazzy ID card :) and I wont have to both the front desk anymore.
Since they've started a new experiment, I'll be doing the laser speckle imaging and data, the brain slice imaging, and some computer data work.

: )

Genetics Exam.

I really dont know what to make of it. I'm glad that there was a combination of short answer, essays, T/F, multiple choice, and a slew of extra credit opportunities (which I wasnt able to do because they were based of of articles that I didnt have time to read...)

If only there were more hours in a day.

To ease my anxiety, I covered all but one question at a time as I was going through the exam. That way, I wouldnt be stressed out looking at #14 when i was still on #10. Plus for those questions that were multiple choice, I would try to answer the question before I looked at my options. In any case, we'll see how I did when I get my test back next week. For now, I get to focus on organic chemistry!!! It is the demon (second to calculus of course.)

It's 5:30, I poured myself a glass of orange juice, instead of a stiff drink, my headache is still raging, and my urine still absolutely reeks from the 5lbs of asparagus that I had to eat this afternoon for a genetics lab experiement. And -my day is only beginning. This'll be interesting....

So, even though my blogging is considered a "break" from studying, I"m thinking that I should exercise a little bit too.. my body has forgotten what it is like to sweat since I've been sitting on my ass reading a lot. Maybe it'll also get my mind off of the incredible amount of stress that I've been going through today - or the past few days, rather... (thanks mom and dad.)

Off to the weight room I go!

Oh one more thing...

While Im sitting here, too tired to move (since I did pretty much nothing but study all afternoon/evening and my brain is just about as good as dirt at the moment from a genetics and organic chemistry overload,) I thought I'd document a thing or two about the research that I'm doing...

This should take you there.



This is the rig that we use for the photothrombosis on the mice. When I took the picture,
we had just sacrificed the last lil guy of the day.


Now this one was on a different day. Here, the mouse was just taken off the rig and I think she is trying to remove a catheter and close the scalp.



This is completely unrelated, but it was too gross to throw away without taking a picture of it. I dont know how it happened, but it looked good from the outside.

First Day as the Shadow

Since I had to drive in the opposite direction than I'm used to at 8:30am, I was not expecting the amount of morning traffic that I encountered. And of course, knowing that I would look completely irresponsible if I showed up late to my first day of shadowing, I completely wigged out in my car. There is nothing more frustrating than bad traffic... Thankfully, it picked up once I got on the highway and I made it to Dr. A's office at about 9:06. Whew.

I got off on the 6th floor and told the secretary that I had an appointment with Dr. A.

Was I nervous? Of course. Did I show it? Tried not to.

The secretary immediately thought that I was a patient, pulled out a clipboard, and tried to find my name. Her attitude was a bit cold, but I suppose if I had to deal with cranky patients all day, I would be slightly bitter as well. I quickly explained that I was a student and I was there only to observe. I've never seen an attitude change so fast. She immediately was much nicer to me (I think because she thought I was a medical student...as you will see, that ended up being the recurring theme that morning..)

I sat down and waited for about 5 minutes in the waiting room until I saw a lanky older man peek through the double door.

"Victoria?"

"Yes..Thats me."

"Good. Come on back." And he disappeared behind the door again.

I followed him into his office. The yellow walls were bare except for a black, plastic file holder that hung on the wall. I imagined hanging up some of my paintings... There was an exam table and two blue chairs behind his rectangular desk. We sat down and chatted for a little bit. I told him about myself, about my goals, and my interests. He told me about his practice, his interests, his experiences with his patients, and his experiences having studied and worked at Columbia University. Ah, a fellow New Yorker.

"You know, over at Columbia...you have the elite of the elite. World renowned scholars, professionals, physicians. Below them, you are still elite." He flicked his hand in the air while he spoke, "Even at the bottom of the elite, you are still some degree of elite. But here? Here *insert name of University hospital where I was*there is simply a top layer of elite, and the rest is a sea of mediocrity...." He went on to tell me that most of the physicians these days dont take the time to really listen to their patients. "The administration, they've been telling me to squeeze in more patients. Run 'em through. I cant do that. I know some doctors that already have the prescriptions written before the patient walks in! I dont believe in that. I take the time to look my patient in the eyes, talk with them, listen to them. Id sooner quit than do otherwise."

Dr. A's pager went off, cutting the conversation short. It was time for the first patient of the day.

Patient #1:

A middle aged man, came in complaining of cluster headaches. Dr. A asked about his sleep history and apparently this patient had suffered from sleep apnea, which apparently causes/aggravates clusters. I couldnt pick up on 60% of what they were talking about because every other word seemed to have been the name of a prescription that I've never heard of. Dr. A ended up writing two more prescriptions. Before the patient left, Dr. A did a series of neurological tests as well.


Patient #2:

A female radiologist who worked at the hospital. Apparently, when Dr. A and I were talking, he told me that her symptoms were consistent with inhalation rabies. (????) He explained that over the past few months, the patient had been in the bahamas and was doing some cave diving/hunting... spelunking? The bats must have crashed the party.

She was in her late 30's (although she looked no older than 25)... I was sitting on one of the blue chairs when she walked in, dressed in pajamas, clutching a large pillow. She didnt seem to mind that I was there, thankfully. Dr. A introduced me as "the student." The patient (and her mother who was now in the room) asked me if I was a med student. I told her, "hopefully in the near future..." The mother and Dr. A stepped out for a few seconds and as the patient laid down she whispered good luck to me, which I thought was very nice. She insisted on laying down on the exam table because she "felt better if her head was down." She actually came in because of an adverse effect she had after a lumbar puncture (and I'm not sure why she got the lumbar puncture. Diag testing for MS? ). The minute I heard she had an LP I thought spinal headache for sure!! (I was correct, by the way.. *bows *)

Sure enough, Dr. A scheduled her for a blood patch procedure.

I thought the neurological tests he'd done were interesting. I'd never seen them performed in person, so that was especially intriguing. I must say, for the two hours that I was there, I learned a thing or two. I'm really looking forward to going back again. I"m not going to go this week because he'll be out of town, but once he returns, I'll start again the following week.

I had a big gin on my face when I left :) Cant wait for next time!

First Day!

I have nothing to say other than I'm extremely excited for my first day of shadowing!! :) :)
Will post later with how it all went!!

(Another) Shadowing Update

This might be way more promising than the first attempt. True to his word, Dr. A emailed me back after the weekend.

Well, first this is what I emailed him:

Dr. A,

It was a pleasure speaking with you on Wednesday the 2nd, in regard to shadowing opportunities. I hope you enjoyed your long weekend.


Per our conversation, the days and times that I had in mind are as follows:

Tuesday, Thursday - 9:00 - 11:00am


Please let me know if this can work with your schedule. I am flexible if need be. Thank you again and I appreciate the opportunity, I look forward to gaining exposure from a clinical standpoint.


And he replied with:

Either day is OK. Come to Professional Arts Center, suite 209, and ask for me.
D. A


Come to think of it, I'd probably be better off going once a week rather than twice. Between shadowing, my research, and classes + studying, I might go off the deep end. And we don't want that to happen.

I'm excited!

Just some pathology humor that I found

Labor day weekend

I told myself that I would not falter this weekend despite all of the crazy BBQ's and beer can pyramids, and keep up with my studying - which, I am happy to say, I have been doing. I went to the library around noon and thankfully it was as deserted as I had expected it to be, so I got a couple of productive hours out of it. Thank you genetics and calc for (kind of) cooperating with me. I lined up about 4 highlighters, which I use to color-code my notes. I'm a very visual person to say the least:


Okay so big deal right? Notes. These aren't just any notes - these are color coordinated and organized. Minus the chicken scratch handwriting , but it's a huge step up from not really having taken notes before at all!


And I even have the stick figures to boot.




So I found out that one of my old high school pals got into medical school (!?!?) UMDNJ. I dont know much about this school other than that it's in NJ. I had no idea she was interested in medicine either, by the way. I guess everyone's passion surfaces at some point in time. I know I'm supposed to be happy for people when things like this happen but thinking about it makes my self-pity-o-meter sky rocket. Or maybe I'm just jealous. Dammit, when will I have my "I got in!" story??

I just have to keep reminding myself that there is no way I can do anything about the choices that I've made in the past - I just have to play the cards that I have been dealt.

I'm not completely woeful though. In fact, I was thinking about this on the drive home from the library. I remember when I was taking these classes the first time around (about 4 years ago) and I was struggling incredibly. I had no motivation, my grades were terrible, I didn't know where I was headed much less how I was getting there and I would cry and cry almost everyday on the way home. I'd have to fix myself a few blocks before I got home (because I still lived with my parents at the time) and I didnt want them to see my teary-eyed, snot covered face and think that something had happened.

I think I got something here!

Ah, the beauty of networking :) To make a long story short, I ended up getting back in touch with an old friend (whom I met through another friend whom I met through jdate 7 years ago..) Yea, I know.

Anyways, without really knowing what he was up to, other than the fact that he was in his first year of med school when I first met him, I decided to facebook him. Upon reading his profile, it turns out that he is a neurology resident at the same med school where I am doing my research! Fabulous! What a small world...

I'm sure you know what I did next. I asked him if he knew any doctors who would be willing and able to let me shadow them for one or two days a week. He emailed me back and gave me a few contacts, one of which was the Chief of the neuro department (!!!!!). Let's call him, Dr. A.

I immediately called Dr. A and left him a voicemail explaining who I was and what I was looking for. To my surprise, he called me back and the conversation went something like this:

ring ring

Me: Hello?

Dr. A: Hi this is Dr. A, I'm returning your call?

Me: Oh yes, thank you for taking the time to call back. *smiles*

Dr. A: Ohhh uhh yes, sure. ... *pause* What do you want?

Me: (?!!?!?!) Uh. Well I am interested in any shadowing opportunities that you might offer .. I -

Dr. A: Okay, well are you a student?

Me: Yes, I am currently earning my second bachelors degree in biology and I am pre-med. I'm actually doing some research in the neurology department and I hope to gain experience from a clinical perspective as well... *holds breath and bites nails*

Dr. A: I see. Alright well, I have a few other students who are interested. How many hours do you have in mind?

Me: Well, I understand that everyone is busy so I wanted to allocated about one or two days a week toward shadowing, with probably 1 1/2 - 2 hours per day. My schedule is flexible, however. What days are most convenient for you?

Dr. A: I think Thursdays, Tuesdays. Maybe Wednesdays....

Me: Alright, perfect. Those are actually my lighter days as well .... ;) I'm still familiarizing myself with my schedule, but would you like me to email you once I figure out the exact times?

Dr: A: Yea do that. Email me with the times. I wont be checking my email until after Labor Day though..

Me: Fair enough.

Dr. A: Here is my email -...... *give me his email* So when you figure out the times, you email me. Okay?

Me: Certainly. Thank you again!

Dr. A: Sure. Have a good day.

*click*




Clearly, it seemed as though Dr. A has done this many times before, but hey, its MY first time :) I'm much more excited about this than any other prospect. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I actually spoke to him over the phone. Who knows. I'm so happy that I got in touch with my old friend too :) I owe him a thank you.

I'll email him the doc on friday and hopefully this will work out. How great would it be to shadow the chief of neurology???

Inbetween

I have a few moments to spare before my genetics class so I thought I'd snag an empty computer at the library and update a thing or two on this.

No earth shattering news as of late. Classes are alright so far. I'm starting to feel a little stressed out though... :( Comes with the territory I suppose. I started doing something quite odd with my calc notes though: my professor gives me all over her notes at the end of class and since they are on that clear, overhead plastic stuff, I get to stand there and roll up about 12 feet of it. Well anyways, I decided to post it on the walls of my room. Makes for great wallpaper and I'm constantly reading it :) Plus I put some plastic in my bathroom so I can write out my morning "Problem of the Day." Odd I know.

We started labs this week, so I have genetics this afternoon. I'm using the same lab coat that I had 4 years ago and its huge!!

Speaking of labs, in the research that I'm doing, my boss taught me how to work the flouroscopy microscope yesterday. It was tedious stuff, but I loved it! So I'll be imaging rat brain slices for the next few days :) I even brought my boss oatmeal cookies that i made. I'm so nice arent I. I dont think they came out as well as I wanted them too though :( I just wish calculus was as easy as baking cookies... .

Practice MCAT Nightmare

So while I'm waiting for my chicken to defrost, I decided to pour myself a big (and I mean BIG) glass of wine, and vent about my practice MCAT this afternoon.

I have to preface with a few things first...
1) Today was the first time I even looked at an MCAT test, more than 2 pages worth.
2) It was cold in there
3) It was a practice test so unfortunately I psyched myself into not really taking it seriously. :(

Lets consider preface #1. I didnt know what to expect. Yes, I've heard people say oh, there's a lot of physics, orgo, and well, you might need to know genetics.. blah blah.. Well obviously. I just never knew to what degree. I performed the worst on the Physics Section. Justifiably so, because lets remember, I havent taken a physics class in a few years and I'm taking Physics II in the spring so essentially, I know nothing. Nothing.

The biological science section kicked my ass as well. There were a lot of passage based questions (which I didnt like), graphs which I didnt understand, and abbreviations that baffled me. (not to mention formulas that completely stressed me out.)

I did alright on the verbal section - as I should, because well, thats my strong point.

Preface #2) That says it all. I simply cant perform in a room that is subzero... At least next time, I'll know to bring a sweater.
Preface#3) I need to focus more, pretend that it's the real thing.

BUT I'm not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself over my mcat performance today. Yes, I scored much lower than the minimum I was hoping for but I took this test with ZERO studying. Totally a dry run. Since I got such a terrible score, I'm only motivated to work that much harder. There is no other option, I'm not bailing on this one.

On the upside, I dont think I should even go near the MCAT (the real thing) until the end of spring. I'm not ready - plus I need to do really well in my classes this semester. Time for redemption....
I can study in the meantime though. I can do plenty of verbal, and some bio as well. Man, I've never felt so determined over anything else before. Woooo what a rush.



:)

First Week!!

I've made it through the first week! So far so good i think.. but I wont get my hopes up because I know it will get harder from here. I mean - I really really know. I've taken Orgo II, calc, and genetics before and they arent easy. Come to think of it, I'm really glad that I postponed taking Physics II till next semester. It'd be a nightmare to juggle all of those classes together.

Waking up for my 7AM calc class hasnt been that bad, by the way. I make sure I go to bed early enough so I can wake up without a problem. I just have to let my body get used to it... Last night though, I went to bed a little too late - about 11PM - and I was pretty tired in class. I went to bed that late because my roommate wanted to cook dinner together. By the time we got prepped and all, it was about 8:!5... we ate at around 9:15. WAY too late. In any case...

I'm looking forward to starting genetics lab next week. We were told that they have designed a whole new game plan for this lab. Apparently we will have a project that we will be responsible for for the entire semester instead of little projects each week like we did before. Cant wait!

I also can't wait for this practice MCAT that I"m taking tomorrow. I'm nervous and I dont know why. Hehe.. This test isnt going to count obviously, but I guess I'm just nervous and anxious about how well (or how poorly) I will do. The upside though, is that I have accumulated a whole bunch of practice exams. I bought an MCAT workbook (completely unused) with 2 full length tests from this girl who never ended up taking it. I saw an ad that she posted in the chemistry department, so I texted her that moment and we met up to make the exchange the next day. 12 bucks, not bad. I also have a few practice tests from my friend. AND I have one online that I can take. I'm MCAT stocked, aren't I? :P

Day Two

Tuesdays are my "light days" - I only have genetics lecture and lab. Since we are still in the first week of school, we dont start labs until next week. So technically I only had genetics lecture today. This is the second time I'm taking it and let me just emphasize that I feel 10 times better about it than I did the first time around. Because:

A) The prof uses web-based learning, meaning that the lectures she puts on the overhead, we can access online after class.

B) She gives extra credit for quizzes and attendance. Thats "money in the bag." <--- her line, not mine.

C) Unlike my last prof, she is motivated to teach the class in a way where we can conceptualize it and think about it critically, not just memorize this and that.

D) And finally, I can understand her accent!!

Aside from that one class this afternoon, I had calculus tutoring in the morning. In addition to being tutored by this guy, I'm going to go to the math lab when I have time. I cant tomorrow because Wednesday is my big day. In fact, what on earth am I still doing up!!? I have to wake up at 5am! I wont get home until 6:30 or so!

I'm taking care of my parents doggy for the week (perfect timing for the added responsibility, huh), which means I have to speed home after neuro lab tomorrow evening to take care of her so she doesn't shit in the house. I dont think I'll have all that much time to study each subject tomorrow so I'll go all out for Calc.

I'll be keeping my eyes peeled on campus for AMSA fliers. It'd be really nice if I could join the pre-med society. I heard they offer a lot of great opportunities.

. . yawn..

Anyways, I still havent heard back from that lady about shadowing. The last email I received from her was her asking me to confirm the dates when I wanted to come in. Oh! I didnt mention! I connected with an OLD friend and ironically, he is now a neuro resident at the same hospital in which I do my research. Maybe, just maybe, if we catch up enough, I can ask him if he knows anyone that I might be able to talk to about shadowing once or twice a week (presuming that the other opportunity doesnt pan out...)

Okay, lights out for me. More to come soon.

First Day of School

I was off to an early early (well relatively, since it's been a while since I've had to wake up early) start on my first day. Woke up at 6am and managed to squeeze in a little bit of a pep jog. I had to wait about 20 min or so though because it was still very dark :(

First class, Calc I (again). I found out toward the end of class that we in fact, start at 7am on Mondays, not 8am. My schedule says 8am, by the way. The prof explained that there were two sections that were combined, hence the time confusion.

I had Organic next. This is the beast of them all. I'm a bit worried because it's been about three years since I took Orgo I and knowing that info is quite crucial to doing well in Orgo II. I'm going to have to do a lot of relearning. Hey, whatever it takes, right?

The last class of the day was Comparative Zoology. Now, I've explained how I wound up in that class... first choice microbio, but I couldnt take it because I didnt have the necessary pre-reqs etc etc etc.... I'm not sure how I feel about porifera, but it is what it is. The prof is really nice though, so thats a huge plus. What really impressed me, however, was the fact that we had our class in one of the new snazzy computer rooms. So, each of us had our own desk with a computer. I thought it was great because I was able to keep the lecture notes on my screen as a reference.

Campus was chaos. Pure chaos. But then again, every campus is on the first day of school. Thankfully, I was able to navigate and weave my way through people with ease. I havent lost my touch. :)

They had a zillion booths set up in the student union area. Fraternities, sororities, roller hockey club, campus church group - you name it. My eyes zoomed in on the Kaplan Test Prep booth. I walked up to the guy and explained to him that I was interested in taking the MCAT and I wanted more info. A few minutes of convo later, I had signed up for the practice MCAT this saturday. It's going to be a dry run - no prep whatsoever. i"m not expecting to score a 38 or anything, I'm just hoping that with the basic knowledge I have at this point (and the knowledge that I actually remember,) I can land somewhere in the low 20's.

We shall see.

:/

Don't mind me. Just a few last minute jitters. No one really understands how important this semester is so I'm taking it out on my laptop and foam squeezy ball.

Ommmmmmm.......

Two more days!

..Until I start classes! Time sure does fly. I organized everything I need for the testing accommodations I'll be taking advantage of. I've decided on having a note-taker for Calc and the other classes I'll have double time for exams. I have my notebooks ready to go, my text books all ready, and my lunch box waiting on the kitchen counter.
Okay not so much about the lunch box, but it'd be great if I can use it again...

I had to do a little switching around with my research times. I was going to go in 8-11:30AM Tues/Thurs. Seeing as though 8AM is a little too early, thankfully I can go in on Monday around 2pm and then Thursday 9-11:30am.
One of the girls who is no longer working there was nice enough to give me her parking pass, which will hold me over for the rest of the month. Then it's back to feeding the meter. My paperwork still hasnt gone through yet, so until it does, theres no touching any mice or equipment ;(

I got one of the many dreaded lectures this evening from the good ol' parents. It all started yesterday when I stupidly answered my phone at 2pm when my mom was calling and even "stupidlier" told her that I was on my way to the lab. For someone who wakes up at 5AM with no problem every morning, of course 2pm is really LATE for her. So they went on and on about how I have a bad attitude and that I dont show initiative nor drive, how I dont show that I really want something. First of all, let me refresh that I was the one who hunted down this research opportunity myself. I think that shows freakin initiative. I went in at 2pm because I had things to do in the morning and well, that is around the time that I have been going anyways. But if it's not one thing, its another. That is one of the reasons I hesitated coming back home. There is always drama in one form or another - and to be perfectly honest, with all that is at stake here, I cant afford to cave into the pressure.


To boot, this is why I am not saying anything about my little plan. It'd be shot down in a minute and I'd get 101 reasons why they think I'm not capable of doing it. I switched from bio to English and now I'm back to bio. They've expressed numerous times that they think I'm going to flake once again and go back to English. No, not this time. The punch line here, however, is that it is nearly impossible for me to convince them of this. I'm just going to take the bull by the damn horns and do what I have to do. I truly feel that I've wasted so much time playing it safe, not being as driven as I ought to.



Once classes start, I'm sure my entries will be a little more interesting than the rants and raves i've been pouring into this blog lately. I just cant wait for the momentum to pick up :)

Tomorrow, I have to get my parking decal for my car and get my new ID. I also should ask about the Forgiveness Policy that they have. The idea of this policy is that when (or if, rather) you retake your classes, they can only factor in the newer (and hopefully better) grade into your GPA. That will really help me out seeing as though I'm going to be retaking Calc and Orgo II.

Alright, time for bed...

My legs..

..are getting better. In fact, Im BenGaying them again as I type. I've never had this kind of leg pain before and I hope it goes away soon. I smell like an old man because my thighs reek from all that cream. I gave them a mini massage too so I hope it does the trick. Well, Im actually able to walk down the steps without having to put both feet on one step at the same time.. Progress. It's been pain since Sunday though.

So, I had a moment of reflection and realization on the phone with my friend. I pretty much broke down on her this evening. I was sobbing about how I'm nervous about this upcoming semester and how I wasnt sure that I would do as well as I wanted...Even through all those tears and bubbly snot sobs, I refrained from telling her my med school endeavors. I'm still convinced that I need to keep it under the radar. Thankfully, she is a good listener and let me vent.

Okay, so these are pre-semester jitters, right? I'm scared shitless. You know who is the big demon this time? It's ORGO. I've reviewed a bit for that class, but since I haven't taken Orgo I in 4 years, I have a lot of refreshing to do. Believe me, this blog is going to get a lot more interesting once I start classes. I'm sure i'll have many interesting moments to document....

ouch.

Im back home and I'm in pain. My legs are absolutely killing me, both my vastus medialis are on fire. I think I danced way too much on the first night - between that an all the walking we did, I'm surprised I can still hold my own weight. After I drop my friend off at the airport, I just want to come back here and go to sleep, take a bath, relax - anything that requires minimal movement. I've had quite the long weekend. We had fun though, despite the pain we are both in. :p

I was thinking of going to the lab today, but I'm not sure I can handle it. I really need to rest my legs. This isn't any kind of pain I've had before, it's a constant burning and I cant even sit on the john without holding something to help me lower myself. I feel like an old lady.

Anyways, while we were in Key West, I had horrible signal. I wasnt able to retrieve any emails on my phone, which worried me slightly because I was looking forward to hearing from that lady about the shadowing opportunity. But just to be sure she hadnt forgotten about me, I emailed her before I left and said:

Good morning,

Hope you had a great weekend! I just wanted to follow up in regard to the shadowing opportunity.

Thanks,


To which she replied:
Good Afternoon,

I hope you are doing well. They are asking me to specify shadow dates. Would it be 8/25 - 12/1/09 twice a week? Please advise.
Thank you,


In response to that I confirmed those dates but told her that I didnt know exactly which days and what times yet. I'll get back to her, I just have to check my schedule.


I start school on Monday. I'm petrified. No really, I am. For the past few years, finishing this degree has always been in the back of my mind, med school has always been in the back of my mind, and here I am, days away from the beginning of my journey. This is it. I'm just worried that I wont do as well as I'd like. But not because I'm going to be distracted with other things (clubs, sorority life - again, partying, beach etc...) I'm over that. I'm worried that I'm simply not capable of getting that A in orgo or at least passing calc this time. I mean, doesnt everyone have an academic threshold? I'm being negative. I'll stop.

Oh, before I went on vacation, I had my MCAT books stacked in my corner bookshelf, not glaring but not completely hidden either. Yes, I'm doing this under the radar but I'm not going to go out of my way to "hide the evidence." Dont ask dont tell. So anyway, my books were in the corner and when my friend came into my room I noticed that she'd eyed them several times but didnt say anything. I know her, she'd never say anything to me about it. I mean it's not like I left them out on purpose to flash them in her face, books are books and are meant to be on bookshelves. I guess it's not really a big deal at this point. For once though I just want someone to know that I have a goal and it feels good share it.



I had a dream last night. It was my first day in med school and the professor went to the whiteboard and wrote the word "perfusion" in large block letters. He then told us that we had 5 minutes to put together a mini oral lecture explaining that word. I remember feeling confident and excited. I went to the board, did my thing, and that was the end of that. Random, huh?
Perfusion though?

Vacation!!!

So this will probably been the last entry before I go on my mini vacation with my best friend. She is flying in from Maryland on Saturday and we are driving straight to Key West from the airport. A grueling drive, but good times ahead :)

The meeting with my math tutor this afternoon went well by the way. He was very attentive, very helpful, he spoke slowly and clearly and wasn't bothered by repeating certain things at times. I think we have ourselves a keeper. One of the pointers he gave me was that I shouldn't really focus on taking too many notes during class or I wont be able to really pay attention to what the prof is saying. Its true though, the minute I start writing, I dont really hear what the prof is talking about. I zone out.

To remedy this, (thankfully I"m able to take advantage of the Disability Resource Center), amongst other things, I can utilize a note-taker if I need one. For this class, I'm pretty sure I will need one. but all that paper work I would turn in during the beginning of the week. The other accommodations that I am allowed to take advantage of are "unlimited" time on tests as well as the use of a private room. I quote unlimited time because obviously I cant sit there and take the test forever, but I'm certainly allowed to sit there until the center closes, - five hours later. That's happened before. I remember taking six hours to finish my physics test. :(

I'm guessing that I wont hear from this lady regarding the shadowing anytime tomorrow. Fridays are always a slim chance to get anything done. I'll prob email her and politely ask her what on Earth is taking so long.

Other than that, no new news! I'm planning on going to the lab early tomorrow so I have to get my rest! Bedtime for me.

So, I couldnt think of a snazzy title for this blog entry, but oh well.... I tried to update the other day but for some reason nothing i typed was saved :( Darn. Anyways I wanted to update about my research lab thus far. My paperwork hasnt gone through yet so all I'm able to do is observe. Which is okay, because i'd rather not learn on the job.

The girl who is "mentoring" me, is leaving in two weeks to go back to medical school in Ireland (Ireland?) She told me how she wound up there, but I wonder, I might never learn WHY she decided do to. Either way, good for her. At least she's in medical school. Here I am, blogging about how much I wish I were.

Another one of the research students in the lab apparently wants to go to vet school and I found this out after I watched her shaking as she was trying to tie off a mouse art line. I wanted so much to dive in there and do it myself, but I held it all in. She ended up telling me all about how IF she went to UF undergrad, she would have a much better chance of getting into UF Vet. Apparently, 60% of vet students are from UF undergrad but she didnt go there because she wanted to be close to her family (???). I guess it's just me, but if my career prospects are on the line, I dont give a shit where I go - as long as I meet my objective. But this is coming from someone who went to boarding school when she was 12, so maybe there is a huge difference in mindset....


In regard to the shadowing, several short emails have shot back and forth. The latest was that the coordinator was asking about my availability. 4 month rotation? Yes, because thats the length of the semester so I figured.... Everyday? No, once or twice a week.
After that, I havent heard from her. I must admit, I'm pretty impressed with her attentiveness. I hope it works out.



I already bought notebooks and pens for class :) I cannot wait until school starts, the anxiety is incredible. I actually have some math tutoring tomorrow :) I've been in touch with this grad student, someone who finally knows what they are talking about. Over the past few weeks, I've been self practicing calculus problems. Its kinda hard to re-teach yourself but at least I can get some help before the tests pile on.

So my dad made another reference to med school today. I forgot what we were talking about (I think I was telling him about my research) and he asked me if i "wore a gown" to which I told him that yes, when we work on the mice we have to wea coasts.He then said "So we might have a doctor soon?!" At least now I know he's not adverse to the idea, but sill I might keep iit under the radar.

Happy!

Well, I'm glad that I finally got my shadowing prospect in gear... but just when I thought things were going smoothly, they came to a screeching halt - then began going smoothly again... sort of.

It turns out that the (4th) lady who I was in contact with, was completely unaware of the initial email correspondence that I had with the woman from the Neuro Department, which I'd posted below. Anyways, "4th lady" thought that I was already a medical student and that I was interested in the Observership Progrem. At first I thought that was just another way of saying "physician shadowing"....maybe it was an archaic term. I turned pale when I noticed that the paperwork she sent me required all of my medical school information as well as my USMLE test scores (ummm....).

Immediately I emailed her back explaining that I was not a medical student, just an undergrad looking to shadow (and I also forwarded my initial email correspondence.) I thought that she would come back with something like, "Oh I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but unfortunately, we do not offer such opportunities here. Good luck." *insert door slam sound here*

To my relief she emailed me back with the correct paperwork!! Oh and I was so sure that I was going straight back to square one. So on Monday, I'll fax it back to her immediately. Once she has it in hand, she said that she would check about availability. All I'm asking for is once a week, lady. You cant tell me that there is no availability for that.

If this works out, then I will have all bases covered: Research - check. Shadowing - check. Volunteer - check. Related work experience - check.

Keeping my fingers crossed!

That was fast!

I have to say, I'm pretty impressed. When the lady who replied to my email said that someone will contact me, my first thought was "yea right." Thats what they always say...

Surprisingly my phone rang just 10 minutes ago! Impressive. So I was told that I have to call the Medical Education office to fill out a slew of paperwork. Okay, thats fair. I called them and spoke to someone who fowarded me the application that I'll need to fill out. I cant do that right now because I have no access to a printer. Grr. I'll have it sent back by the end of the week though (hopefully). It will take about 1-2 weeks to process.

As far as hours, they have opportunities to shadow doctors M-F 1pm-5pm. I dont have my class schedule in front of me but I'm pretty sure that can work. I know that on thursday I have a pretty light day. My only class is genetics and I get out at 1:30. So maybe after that I can head over to the hospital. 3-4:30 sounds ideal.

I'm bubbling with excitement!

Also, tomorrow I'm meeting with the prof again at the neuro lab to discuss the reading material that he sent home with me:

Characterization of Periinfarct Flow Transients With Laser Speckle and Doppler After Middle Cerebral Artery Occlusion in the Rat.

AND

Impaired chloride homeostasis triggers hyperexcitability owing to decreased GABA synaptic function following focal ischemia in the neocortex.

Not exactly beach reading. I've become a pro at looking up words though. :)


On a completely different note. Everytime I have conversations with my dad about dieting I secretly wished that I had gone into nutrition just so i can justifibly be the one who is right. I stress: justifibly. He has the most skewed perception of dieting and nutrition out of anyone that I know. Check out his new "diet:"

- No more Breakfast
- Salads for lunch
- And for dinner, maybe a piece of fish.

Okay, fish is great, no doubt about that. But, the ongoing debate has been about the breakfast thing. I completely disagree with the notion of not having breakfast. That type of deprivation is very very bad. How can anyone think that depriving your body of food for over 12 hours is healthy? Especially with him being a diabetic, the first thing to go are glucose levels. Those dry up like prunes on south beach.
Fat. He is obsessed with fat being in "everything." Everything that has sugar means that it turns into fat. Lets not discuss the fact that there are a ton of "sugars." Lactose, galactose, maltose, fructose, glucose, sucrose, and im sure there are more. Eating a piece of fruit and consuming the fructose in it doesnt mean an instant 15 pounds. Fat is essential for proper brain function, the distribution of vitamins, the list goes on.

He says that proper nutrition (i.e. the workings of the human body) is "common sense." If it were that simple, then everyone would be a doctor.

He says that unless you exercise and burn off everything you put in your body, you'll gain weight. EVERYTHING? ANYTHING? I brought up the scenario of fruit again (since he's banned fruit from the house recently). I said suppose you have a bowl of strawberries in the morning for breakfast (Id rather have pancakes and eggs), do you think that you'll gain weight from it? The answer was yes. I was floored. His rationale was that it'd turn to fat if it wasnt worked off. A bowl of strawberries? C'mon. Well, whatever, I think I've vented enough. I'm making myself hungry too. I think I'll go cook a filet mignon smothered with pepperjack cheese, some truffle mash potatoes, a vanilla milkshake and for dessert, a big bowl of uncooked brownie mix, which I will eat with a ladle.

Shadowing Update!!

So I knew if I kept at it, I would sooner or later have get lucky with my shadowing endeavor. Since I am going to be doing bench research in the neuro department, I thought it would be appropriate if i inquired about shadowing in the neuro department at the local childrens hospital (which, by the way, is now 5 minutes from my new apartment.) Couldnt get any more convenient than that.

Anyways, I found an email address on their webpage and this is what I wrote:

Neuro Team,

I would like to inquire about any possibly physician shadowing opportunities that you might allow. I am a student at XYZ, currently earning my bachelors degree in biology. I graduated in 2006 with a BA in English and a minor in biology but have recently returned to complete the bio curriculum and pursue medical school.

To complement my interest in medicine, this fall I will be involved in a bench research project with the Department of Neurology at UM Miller. I am also interested in a shadowing opportunity at MCH (once a week or so) to gain experience from a clinical standpoint.

I appreciate your attention and look forward to hearing from you at your convenience.

Sincerely,


A day later I received a reply:
Hello Ms. ___,

Our nurse practitioner, (name), is going to contact you next week to discuss your request.

Sincerely,


Business Administrator
Neuro Network Partners


Well yes, that was short and sweet and i wonder what a nurse practitioner has to do with it but hey, this is the closest I've come so I'm happy. That thing with Bascom Palmer was short lived. In fact, it wasnt even lived at all. He sort of disappeared on me but I'm not going to dwell on it because it simply wasnt meant to be.

Class Schedule!

Dare I say that I'm not surprised I had to revise my class schedule yet again? I'm not referring to time slots and days, etc. I had to pick different classes! It was like a domino effect too - it was crazy. Let me see if i can put it into perspective:

Originally I swapped out Physics because I didnt want to have it in the same semester as Calc and Orgo II --> I switched it to Microbio --> I find out that I'm not eligible for microbio because I need Orgo II as a pre-req ---> I drop mircobio, disappointed and dismayed --> I look at the options I have left:

Plant Life History: NO! hardly relevant.
Local Flora: ???
Marine Botany: See above.
Microbiology: If only....if only....
Comparative Zoology: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? What is the difference between a horse and a donkey?
Vertebrate Zoology: Not sure.
Morphology of Vascular Plants: I tried this class a few years ago but I dropped it because the people in that class were vegan tree huggers and I spent the whole time in the back of the classroom with my friend in hysterics over it.
Forensic Biology: Its a 5000 level class. I wont even bother.
Human Anatomy: A possibility but....
Human Genetics: I'm already taking genetics.

Anyways, back to my chain of course destruction -

I thought about Human Anatomy but the class time doesnt fit. they ony have one slot --> I then decided to check out Vertebrate Zoology (not really knowing what the class was about) but it turns out that it conflicts with my organic chem --Finally I settle on Comparative Zoology , 3 times a week instead of Microbio which was twice a week.

On top of that I had to switch Genetics Lab from Wed to Tues to even it out. So, even thought I managed to compromise with my classes, It still turned out to be a little more compacted than what I originally had wanted. On top of it all, I have my research from 8-11 on Tues and Thurs. I"m packed. Slammed. It's gonna be one heck of a ride, thats for sure.

Lets look at it this way: On M/W/Fri I get out of class for the day at 1pm, which leaves me time for tutoring etc afterward.
Tuesday, I have classes from 12:30 - 6:15 Bleh.
Thursday however, is my "break." I only have genetics from 12:30-1:45.

My mom took one look at my schedule and said, "Alright, I'll see you in December." I guess I'll be buried in books for a while.

I couldnt think of a title for this post, mainly because there hasnt really been any incredible breakthroughs. I've been pretty busy lately with the move, registering for classes, still trying to find a job....On top of that, trying to read this material that I was given from the prof in the neuro department who I will be working with in a few weeks. I'll be honest, the material is difficult, but certainly if I keep it up, I'll get the hang of it.

I cannot wait until my book on the current trends of healthcare comes in the mail!! That will be book #15 that I am reading at the same time. I'm still drooling over my other book though. 800 pages of laboratory and diagnostic tests!!! I think I'll finish the evening with the chapter on bone scans...

I need to make more "been there done that" friends. Lets call them BTDT friends. Since I'm attacking this journey under the radar, I would like to at least leech on to some people who have gone down my path. I'm sure once I start class again, I will be meeting many people who have similar goals. I just have to learn to take advantage of peoples advice more than I usually do. My closest BTDT friend is now in north Florida working as a family med doc at UF. I met him when we was a 1st year and now he's a working dr. Time certainly does fly...

My other closest BTDT friend (the one who lended me the mcat prep books), she is not that far behind... Shes a 2nd year now. We took a most of the pre-req classes together but while she went off to med school somewhere in the caribbean, I diverted and moved to new york thinking that I would immerse myself in the publishing industry - I was sadly mistaken.

Cut to now, I'm picking up where I left off. I'm glad I was able to reconnect with the few people left around here to help me out.

More Thoughts

I've been feeling like my posts have been a collection of whiney rants and complaints...Complaining about my grades, my delay in this process, my unluckiness with getting my extracurrics in gear. I was thinking this afternoon, five years ago (or whenever I was a freshman in highschool) was I as motivated as I am now? No. But the real question is: Where and why did I fall short? As much as I would like to put the last few years of my life on the back-burner and just move forward, I cant help but think "why and how."

Point is, seeing people around me who were once in the same organic chem class as I, who are now in med school doing what they worked hard to achieve makes me jealous dammit. I cant help it! Should anyone blame me? It's like peoples lives are moving forward as planned and my life is in slow motion, barely scraping by, barely my reaching goals. It's not like I havent achieved anything in the past few years. I've done a lot. The question is, what will truly make me happy at the end of the day?

Another thing that I should really think about (which I havent yet - probably because I'm in denial of this fact) is what I should do in the event that I dont get into med school. I have no idea. Go back into publishing? No. By the time I finish this journey, mankind will probably have bought his last book. Maybe I haven't thought about that "what if" because I dont WANT to think about it. Ha....

I'm still waiting on those books that I bought from Amazon. I'm so excited to get them that I forgot what they are even about. No seriously, I did. I think one is a book on basic laboratory procedures and lab values, and the other is about healthcare (?) - I guess it'll be a surprise. There's another book that I want, which I might purchase tonight. Ah, the things that make me happy...

Thoughts

The problem here is my lack of self-confidence, i think. One day I'm completely motivated, and the next day I'm asking myself what the hell i think I'm doing?! This is not going to be easy if I cant get over the mental hurdle of self doubt. Here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to, right now, put my application in black and white. Thats right, i'm going to type out all the components of my application thus far to see "what it looks like..."

I"m not sure what this will do for my ego, but at least I'll be able to get a picture perfect idea of where I stand so far.

GPA: 2._ _ _
MCAT: Have not taken it yet - no practice tests yet either
VOLUNTEERING: Biology Tutor/Mentor Program (how ironic) 2003-2006
SHADOWING:2003-2005 Mercy Hospital in the Internal Medicine Dept
RESEARCH: Current, Dept of Neurology , Stroke Division Research
WORK EXPERIENCE: Everything from the publishing industry to pharmacology clinical data
LORs: I can get good ones. :)
OTHER GOODIES: I already have a BA in English. That is a plus. I think. Does my 3.6 gpa matter?

I know, I know, without the grades, I'm pretty useless... so I guess thats all I have to really focus on now. Grades, grades, grades. When the time comes, I also need to find out what I should "leave out" of my resume and personal statement. Is there such thing an an info overload? Also, I'll need to see what a sample med school applicant resume looks like- but this too, when the time comes.

Yes, I have C's, D's, and F's on my transcript. The good part is that I'm going to have to retake them anyways since I'm going to get my BS Bio. What I really want to know is, what AdComs will say when they see that I've taken Physics three times, or tried genetics once, but after failing it the first time, dropping it the second?

I think I'm coming closer and closer to accepting the fact that American Med schools are out of the question. If only.....

....DO?

I remember when I completely put the idea of a D.O. program on the back burner. I was about 15 and my dad asked me frankly, "What the hell does a DO do?" And, honestly, I wasnt sure. I'm still not sure... Okay, so I looked it up, but the fact that these websites are only telling me that DO's "treat the whole person, not only the symptom," doesnt really give me a clear idea. Moreover, I've decided that going that route will not lead me toward my goal of going into pathology. From what I understand, DO's are more family medicine-oriented.... Not my speed.

What really bugs me is that there are only 6 Pathologist Assistant schools in the country. Only 2 I would consider because of location and even then, I'm not sure I would qualify. My grades are my ultimate road block. If only I didnt fuck around in college...

Oh, I went back to the neuro lab today to give the prof my forms etc, and to talk a bit more about what I will be working on. After that, I spent a little time observing the beginning of a procedure, which was slightly gory but I have a strong stomach. I was sent home with a lot of reading material so I can get myself up to speed on all the information. After Dr. Neuro returns from his trip, we will meet again to discuss a start/end date. He's returning August 1st and I think considering the mini vacation I"m going to be taking, I'll be able to start up around Aug 20th.

After about 5 weeks, the Red Cross called me back about a volunteer opportunity that I was interested in. They had to clear my background check. I didnt know it took that long. Anyway I told him that I would have to get back to him as to whether or not I can make the time commitment. Now that I have my research AND my classes to think about, I simply cant spread myself too thin. I would like to do both, but i dont want to compromise my grades. I'm still going to look into shadowing once a week. I think if I can do that on a friday or saturday, that'd be ideal.

Books

Apparently now I can't get enough of Amazon.com. I've already ordered a bunch of books, med related of course. As interesting as it all is, I thought there was no reason why I cant read up a little bit..so much info, so much...

My mom was over at my place this evening and I think she saw my mcat prep book. She didn't say anything but I saw her eyes wander to it, then she kinda gave me this "look." I didn't know what to make of it.. Seemed sort of disbelieving and confused. I've never discussed med school with her -at least not in years. So she's prob wondering what I'm doin with an mcat prep book. :) ok so I don't feel bad for keeping this secret. I think I just need the "peace and quiet" while I embark.

Headed to dept of neuo tomorrow to find out what aspect of the research I'll be doing.

WOO!!

Ladies and gentleman, I came out of my meeting with Dr. Neuro successfully! Goal accomplished!! I will begin my research experience in August!!! I'm pretty damn excited. :) He gave me a tour of the facility and explained a great deal of what it is they do. But there is just so much information I'm not sure I can repeat it all here... What I do know is that his clinical discipline involves studying the mechanics of strokes and epilepsy. Ironic - thats was I was interested in.

When I was touring the lab, I watched one of the assistants do an art line on a rat. How fabulous :) Another aspect of their research involved inducing strokes and global ischemia..... I'll learn more in time. This is making me wonder whether or not I should take neuroscience in the fall instead of the spring. *sigh*.. I think the research and the class will be incredibly beneficial to each other. Might be a good idea. I'll look into it.

So the next step with this is that I'm going to be meeting with him again on monday or tuesday so we can come up with a more detailed idea of exactly what i'll be working on. He has several projects going on so its just a matter of figuring out what will be the most appropriate for me. He is also supposed to be emailing me reading material so I can familiarize myself with his work.

Thats all for now!

Job Update

I just got back from a meeting with my old boss at my campus's Learning Center. The whole goal of me going there was to walk out with a job. The plan was to pick up from where my other coworker was leaving off because he got into med school (lucky duck) and they needed someone to fill in for him. Turns out, he is still going to be around for the summer because he needs the money. I don't blame the kid.

Anyways, Im going to start working there in the Fall. This is the IDEAL situation as far as work goes. So, I'll be making $300 each paycheck but hey, all I need is my phone bill and my rent bill. I'm not a big spender. At least not anymore haha...

The way my class schedule looks, I organized it so that I can have my tuesday and thursday mornings free. My hope is to save that time for some research. Dr. Neuro had mentioned that it would be ideal to devote at least 6 hours per week to research. If we start at 8am, then I can do tues, thurs, and fri in the afternoon. It's too premature to talk about that now. I'll have to meet with him first.

So, here is my "final" proposed schedule for the Fall:
Calc I, Organic II, Genetics (+ lab), and microbiology. (I made the move with microbio because I wanted to separate the "math" involved classes.) So for the fall the math will be calc, and some in genetics.

For the Spring:
Anatomy (or developmental bio), Physics II, cell bio (+ lab), and calc II - The math here is the physics and calc.

I'd LOVE to take virology, but I've already satisfied that elective category :( Oh well.

So this is is folks. Now, I have to email my old/new boss the amount of hours I can devote in the fall. Lets say 15. Thats doable.

I'm already thinkin LOR. I can get one from the Bio Department head. I've gotten one before (for another program). If i involve myself in this volunteer tutoring program for bio students, the payback is a REAL NICE LOR. Ive read it. It's damn good.

Things are lookin up!!

Last Day

Yup, thats it. Today was my last day at the job. The project ended sooner than we had expected (and hoped)... i mean although I was doing a lot of tedious work, I would have minded another week on the job. But hey, it's not my call. I completed my project quickly and I did more work over and above what I was there to do . I think I accomplished a lot.

On monday I'm going to get in touch with my old boss at the tutoring center at school. I worked there a few years ago and we talked about me working there again. I hope it flies. That would be great to transition from one job to another so quickly. *fingers crossed*

Anyways, nothing else new at the moment. Still studying, still plotting and planning.

Progress

I'm pretty surprised that Prof. Neurology kept his word and got in touch with me a month later like he said he would. With so much on their plates I thought he'd completely forget about me. Luckily he didn't. He emailed me the day after yesterday to follow up. Now, I have an appointment at the Neurology Department at 3pm on the 16th! He mentioned that there is always a need for research volunteers (good), but there is also the opportunity for paid positions once they get NIH grants in place (better). This apparently happens in Sept.

My goal for that meeting is to secure a position (be it paid or not) in that department. It's definately something I would be interested in.

It's also important that I come up with a schedule of when to review my books. I know I said that I'll have more time to read because it is the summer, but after work, I'm exhausted! I can hardly move least of all read a genetics or organic book and comprehend it. I guess I'll have to wait until my project is over so I can turn my mind back to my reading.

Oh, I also recieved an email back from the local medical center. The guy at the volunteer services center told me that "they are capped" at the moment. Fine. If they're capped, they're capped. What can I do? On to the next.

More to come as it unfolds...