I've been feeling like my posts have been a collection of whiney rants and complaints...Complaining about my grades, my delay in this process, my unluckiness with getting my extracurrics in gear. I was thinking this afternoon, five years ago (or whenever I was a freshman in highschool) was I as motivated as I am now? No. But the real question is: Where and why did I fall short? As much as I would like to put the last few years of my life on the back-burner and just move forward, I cant help but think "why and how."
Point is, seeing people around me who were once in the same organic chem class as I, who are now in med school doing what they worked hard to achieve makes me jealous dammit. I cant help it! Should anyone blame me? It's like peoples lives are moving forward as planned and my life is in slow motion, barely scraping by, barely my reaching goals. It's not like I havent achieved anything in the past few years. I've done a lot. The question is, what will truly make me happy at the end of the day?
Another thing that I should really think about (which I havent yet - probably because I'm in denial of this fact) is what I should do in the event that I dont get into med school. I have no idea. Go back into publishing? No. By the time I finish this journey, mankind will probably have bought his last book. Maybe I haven't thought about that "what if" because I dont WANT to think about it. Ha....
I'm still waiting on those books that I bought from Amazon. I'm so excited to get them that I forgot what they are even about. No seriously, I did. I think one is a book on basic laboratory procedures and lab values, and the other is about healthcare (?) - I guess it'll be a surprise. There's another book that I want, which I might purchase tonight. Ah, the things that make me happy...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Thoughts
The problem here is my lack of self-confidence, i think. One day I'm completely motivated, and the next day I'm asking myself what the hell i think I'm doing?! This is not going to be easy if I cant get over the mental hurdle of self doubt. Here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to, right now, put my application in black and white. Thats right, i'm going to type out all the components of my application thus far to see "what it looks like..."
I"m not sure what this will do for my ego, but at least I'll be able to get a picture perfect idea of where I stand so far.
GPA: 2._ _ _
MCAT: Have not taken it yet - no practice tests yet either
VOLUNTEERING: Biology Tutor/Mentor Program (how ironic) 2003-2006
SHADOWING:2003-2005 Mercy Hospital in the Internal Medicine Dept
RESEARCH: Current, Dept of Neurology , Stroke Division Research
WORK EXPERIENCE: Everything from the publishing industry to pharmacology clinical data
LORs: I can get good ones. :)
OTHER GOODIES: I already have a BA in English. That is a plus. I think. Does my 3.6 gpa matter?
I know, I know, without the grades, I'm pretty useless... so I guess thats all I have to really focus on now. Grades, grades, grades. When the time comes, I also need to find out what I should "leave out" of my resume and personal statement. Is there such thing an an info overload? Also, I'll need to see what a sample med school applicant resume looks like- but this too, when the time comes.
Yes, I have C's, D's, and F's on my transcript. The good part is that I'm going to have to retake them anyways since I'm going to get my BS Bio. What I really want to know is, what AdComs will say when they see that I've taken Physics three times, or tried genetics once, but after failing it the first time, dropping it the second?
I think I'm coming closer and closer to accepting the fact that American Med schools are out of the question. If only.....
I"m not sure what this will do for my ego, but at least I'll be able to get a picture perfect idea of where I stand so far.
GPA: 2._ _ _
MCAT: Have not taken it yet - no practice tests yet either
VOLUNTEERING: Biology Tutor/Mentor Program (how ironic) 2003-2006
SHADOWING:2003-2005 Mercy Hospital in the Internal Medicine Dept
RESEARCH: Current, Dept of Neurology , Stroke Division Research
WORK EXPERIENCE: Everything from the publishing industry to pharmacology clinical data
LORs: I can get good ones. :)
OTHER GOODIES: I already have a BA in English. That is a plus. I think. Does my 3.6 gpa matter?
I know, I know, without the grades, I'm pretty useless... so I guess thats all I have to really focus on now. Grades, grades, grades. When the time comes, I also need to find out what I should "leave out" of my resume and personal statement. Is there such thing an an info overload? Also, I'll need to see what a sample med school applicant resume looks like- but this too, when the time comes.
Yes, I have C's, D's, and F's on my transcript. The good part is that I'm going to have to retake them anyways since I'm going to get my BS Bio. What I really want to know is, what AdComs will say when they see that I've taken Physics three times, or tried genetics once, but after failing it the first time, dropping it the second?
I think I'm coming closer and closer to accepting the fact that American Med schools are out of the question. If only.....
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
....DO?
I remember when I completely put the idea of a D.O. program on the back burner. I was about 15 and my dad asked me frankly, "What the hell does a DO do?" And, honestly, I wasnt sure. I'm still not sure... Okay, so I looked it up, but the fact that these websites are only telling me that DO's "treat the whole person, not only the symptom," doesnt really give me a clear idea. Moreover, I've decided that going that route will not lead me toward my goal of going into pathology. From what I understand, DO's are more family medicine-oriented.... Not my speed.
What really bugs me is that there are only 6 Pathologist Assistant schools in the country. Only 2 I would consider because of location and even then, I'm not sure I would qualify. My grades are my ultimate road block. If only I didnt fuck around in college...
Oh, I went back to the neuro lab today to give the prof my forms etc, and to talk a bit more about what I will be working on. After that, I spent a little time observing the beginning of a procedure, which was slightly gory but I have a strong stomach. I was sent home with a lot of reading material so I can get myself up to speed on all the information. After Dr. Neuro returns from his trip, we will meet again to discuss a start/end date. He's returning August 1st and I think considering the mini vacation I"m going to be taking, I'll be able to start up around Aug 20th.
After about 5 weeks, the Red Cross called me back about a volunteer opportunity that I was interested in. They had to clear my background check. I didnt know it took that long. Anyway I told him that I would have to get back to him as to whether or not I can make the time commitment. Now that I have my research AND my classes to think about, I simply cant spread myself too thin. I would like to do both, but i dont want to compromise my grades. I'm still going to look into shadowing once a week. I think if I can do that on a friday or saturday, that'd be ideal.
What really bugs me is that there are only 6 Pathologist Assistant schools in the country. Only 2 I would consider because of location and even then, I'm not sure I would qualify. My grades are my ultimate road block. If only I didnt fuck around in college...
Oh, I went back to the neuro lab today to give the prof my forms etc, and to talk a bit more about what I will be working on. After that, I spent a little time observing the beginning of a procedure, which was slightly gory but I have a strong stomach. I was sent home with a lot of reading material so I can get myself up to speed on all the information. After Dr. Neuro returns from his trip, we will meet again to discuss a start/end date. He's returning August 1st and I think considering the mini vacation I"m going to be taking, I'll be able to start up around Aug 20th.
After about 5 weeks, the Red Cross called me back about a volunteer opportunity that I was interested in. They had to clear my background check. I didnt know it took that long. Anyway I told him that I would have to get back to him as to whether or not I can make the time commitment. Now that I have my research AND my classes to think about, I simply cant spread myself too thin. I would like to do both, but i dont want to compromise my grades. I'm still going to look into shadowing once a week. I think if I can do that on a friday or saturday, that'd be ideal.
Books
Apparently now I can't get enough of Amazon.com. I've already ordered a bunch of books, med related of course. As interesting as it all is, I thought there was no reason why I cant read up a little bit..so much info, so much...
My mom was over at my place this evening and I think she saw my mcat prep book. She didn't say anything but I saw her eyes wander to it, then she kinda gave me this "look." I didn't know what to make of it.. Seemed sort of disbelieving and confused. I've never discussed med school with her -at least not in years. So she's prob wondering what I'm doin with an mcat prep book. :) ok so I don't feel bad for keeping this secret. I think I just need the "peace and quiet" while I embark.
Headed to dept of neuo tomorrow to find out what aspect of the research I'll be doing.
My mom was over at my place this evening and I think she saw my mcat prep book. She didn't say anything but I saw her eyes wander to it, then she kinda gave me this "look." I didn't know what to make of it.. Seemed sort of disbelieving and confused. I've never discussed med school with her -at least not in years. So she's prob wondering what I'm doin with an mcat prep book. :) ok so I don't feel bad for keeping this secret. I think I just need the "peace and quiet" while I embark.
Headed to dept of neuo tomorrow to find out what aspect of the research I'll be doing.
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