Research

Well, amidst the rubble, there seems to be a gem somewhere. The highlight of my day is that my boss in the research lab told me that he wants to run a study with myself and the new kid - we'll call him Dave.

Dave has only been with the lab for a few weeks. I've been there since September, so with him joining up, the responsibility falls on me to make sure he's on track. Dont mind it at all.

I'm really lucky to have the opportunity to participate in this especially since I'm a volunteer. Usually all that volunteers wind up doing is brewing espresso and cleaning up messes. I have been given the opportunity to run my own study, how's that for a change?? :) Also, i'm going to be first author in this study that the boss has proposed. Of course I'm always looking to him for guidance but lately, he's been shifting the spotlight on me. No pressure right?

So the name of the study hasnt been set in stone yet, but here are my ideas:

Cerebral Vascular Branching Patterns of the Anterior Cerebral Artery and Middle Cerebral Artery in BULB/C and C576J mice.

OR

Comparison of Collateral Vasculature in BULB/C and C576J mice.

OR..

Anterior Cerebral Artery and Middle Cerebral Artery territories of BULB/C and C576J mice.

They all sound quite snazzy. Personally, I'm leaning toward the first title, since it is the most accurate. This Wednesday, we are meeting with a clinician, a neurosurgeon specifically, who can put this project into perspective a bit more for us.

:)

"You might be passing your classes, but your failing at life!!"

That seemed to have been the quote of the day from my ever supporting parents. I wont really get into WHY they said that because I'd prob have to start a whole new blog to explain it. Lets just say this:

I got into a car accident the other day - parents aren't happy. Okay, I fucked up. But honestly, thats life - fucking up, and learning from it. In my opinion, you're only wrong if you don't learn from your mistakes.

Tonight I feel so incredibly drained....after such a long, drama-filled day, I haven't the energy to study even though I know I should. I'm on edge like crazy. I've bitten my fingernails to the bone and they are all throbbing because of how much i've gnawed on the same raw, bloody spots. I've taken my Lexapro, my Wellbutrin, and I'm going to pop my Atenolol before I go to sleep.
Mind = 2, heart = 1, emotional bubble = 0. My head cant be in 4 different places though, I need to chill. I want to watch a movie. I want to sit in bed with dessert for once, and watch a fucking movie.

My dad reiterated this afternoon during his ranting and raving that I'm "lying to myself" by telling my bf that I want to go to medical school. See the problem here? Dad still doesnt think I"m capable of getting into medical school ....so because i tell my bf my goals, I'm now a "liar." I would LOVE to know how to deal with this shit. I would LOVE to have someone who is close to me tell me that they believe in what I'm capable of, rather than put money on when and how I'm going to FAIL.