I was at Fresh Market with my mom today, getting something to eat for lunch. (Roast Beef Monterey sandwich gets my two thumbs up by the way...) Anyhow, we somehow became immersed in the conversation of my short term and long term academic goals. i think we started on the topic because I had just recently reconnected with an old friend (my age) who I find out, is currently in her third year of medical school. Driving to Fresh Market, I started laughing to myself when flashes of that vascular morphology class that my friend and I took together, came to mind. We had a great time, mainly, because we had no idea why the hell we were taking that class in the first place. On top of it all, the class was just...odd. And so was everyone else in it. Plus it was on a Saturday so we had the rest of the afternoon to laugh about it over lunch and coffee.
Anyways, standing in front of the glass case where the deli keeps the meats, my mom said to me: " ...so it's not like you are going to end up going to medical school..."
Wait, what?
My stomach churned a bit and my breath locked in my throat. I didn't answer immediately, but I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Thankfully, I convinced myself to take that comment with a grain of salt because I never expressed to her, straightforwardly, that med school was well, on my ultimate to-do list. So, I decided to run with it:
"What do you mean, its not like I'm not going to end up going?" I prodded. "I mean, do you not think I'm capable?"
She exaggerated a sigh. "Well thats not what I meant. I'm just saying, whatever your goals are, you still have to take it one step at a time. You've mentioned graduate school to me, yes. And that's great. But we both know that the next few months are crucial." We both stared at the lady making the sandwich for a few moments and I nodded softly, letting her words settle in my head.
The best I could to was throw hints her way. "The only way I can "get to pathology," is via med school. Now you know that's not something I just came up with overnight." She nodded. "Okay then," I went on. "so that's what i'll have to do..." I didn't wait for her reaction. By now, my mom was leaning with her palms against the display glass, eyeing the honey glazed tofu sticks to the right. "We'll take three of those, please."
"Do you know that there are only 6 PATH A schools in the US? Very very hard to get into though. I get why pathologists, physicians and dentists would need assistants, but I dont understand why anyone would ASPIRE to become an ASSISTANT..."
I noticed my moms eyes light up when I mentioned the Pathologist Assistant school but I rebuffed her enthusiasm by making a face like i'd just eaten something spoiled. I was done, I couldn't go any further with that conversation. School hasn't even started yet and I'm already stressing out over stressing out about something that isnt even certain, maybe isnt even practical, maybe isnt even achievable. Who knows? All I know is that I have to try.
Lately, it seems as though my ultimate to-do list is my only driving force, the last bit of oil in my engine. It's like I'm chugging along the shoulder of a highway while everyone else is speeding past me, kicking up dust and pebbles in my face and the next rest stop wont be for another few months.
While I'm here I thought I would touch on the MCAT subject again. I know I said the test wasn't for a while, hence nothing to talk about, but I came across a jolt of motivation yesterday and went to studybarn.com and AMCAS.com.
Studybarn supposedly provides practice MCAT sections. Although they are non-traditional exam format, they still help me brush up on my basic bio.
I printed out a few pages of the AMCAS test, too... Chinese. Pure Chinese. The first few pages only confirmed that I have a shit load of work to do. I'll be honest, I'm petrified especially since I'm not planning on taking any formal MCAT prep courses. It's expensive as shit and well, not to sound cocky or anything, it all comes down to knowing the info, knowing the test-taking tricks (which I know, because I've trained as a Kaplan tutor), and being confident, paced, and focused.
I'll be very picky with whom I disclose my plans to. I know I can't go at this alone, but I also dont want to hang my laundry in public. I dont need the distractions and I dont need the scrutiny. I think I'll seek the advice of a few friends whom are already in med school and who are also med school bound.
So, next order of business: I'm still having a hard time locking in shadowing hours. I'll need to talk to someone who knows someone who knows someone. I was going to ask my PCP but she doesnt seem like she'd be too receptive to it....
