Beeker!

I'm totally falling in love with my job. We're still working on getting all the paperwork through so we can be added to the protocols but in the meantime, the other newbie and myself have been tagging along and observing what goes on. On Monday, we are going to go to the animal facility and watch a few surgeries being done. We were going to do that today but my boss got caught up with a few other thing and it was pushed back.

We watched a demo of a behavioral testing technique used with a device called the CatWalk. Ironically titled, it's used for mice and rats. I'll spare details but its basically used to record and analyze gate, post-injury. It was pretty interesting.

After lunch, I couldn't help but go to the Johns Hopkins website again and check out what the deal would be if I applied as a non-degree seeking student to finish my pre-reqs. Hopkins is no FIU. There have been a lot of seemingly impossible things accomplished in this world but getting in to that school would be a ridiculous stretch. I've accepted the fact that I look like shit on paper. I've always studied hard, I've even been able to successfully help people out with subjects that never came easy to me and even subjects that I've never ever studied before. But when it comes to me for me, a screw ALWAYS pops loose.

I"m not complaining though... I think things are going well so far, despite my detour. At the end of this day, this, my ultimate goal, is all that I can think about. It's almost as though I would be meaningless, thoughtless, and purposeless on this planet without it. A dream can be so big sometimes, it's impossible to wrap your head around. You see nothing else but that, and you'd walk through fire to get it.



I keep telling myself that I wont bring up my alcoholism in this blog because thats not what it's about. But this evening, I was thinking about it a little bit and as it turns out, alcoholism does play a part in all of this. I used to get drunk and spend hours and hours bawling over the fact that I was "too stupid to do anything right." I was "useless and a wasted talent," and that I was "nothing but a dreamer that takes up space and time." When I sobered up for good, I had a lot of time to think about myself and my self-worth, which I underestimated and took advantage of brutally. I'm still in the fog but I can see clearer enough to realize that I've gotten a second chance. I should be thankful for it. In fact, I've gotten many chances and look at the situation now: I have a great job which has opened up MANY doors for me to take advantage of, I'm sober so I can take my classes seriously again, i can now appreciate the support I've always gotten, I have a wonderful best friend who believes in me more than I believe in myself and who reminds me that I can forge ahead. I can't predict the future, but call me crazy I can't imagine it without completing my to-do list.

With that said, what do I need to focus on next...? I'd like to try and shadow at Hopkins and start making some contacts there. Problem is, since I work until 5pm, it will be hard to do. Practices often close around that time... Eh, I'll check it out.
I should also start hitting the books again. Can't let the rust form.



My friend's ex-fiance is finished playing video games downstairs. Time to watch Ghost Hunters.


I have to post this clip, it makes me smile and it's dedicated to my bff. Apparently I've been Beekerized.

Completely Exhausted

I had a 17 hour day. I woke up at 5:20am with this weird amount of energy that I haven't been used to for a while. The usual story is that I sleep until about 10am then roll out of bed, have coffee, do a few things around the apartment and then take a nap around 1pm because I'm "so tired"... That was back when I really wasnt myself anyways. Nevertheless, I woke up psyched this morning. My friend who I am staying with left for work at 6am, her ex fiance (who she still lives with - i know...) left for work at 5:30am. I was out the door by 6:45.

The drive to my orientation was bearable but I guess after not having a car at my disposal for 4 months, it's all relative. I'll be honest, orientation was boring as shit. At least some of it was. I can't imagine tomorrow being a circus thrill either...

During the second half, they administered our vaccines. They stuck me in my poor arm three times. TB, TDap, and flu vac.
:o(

I am, however, thrilled that the company can reimburse us for any courses that we wish to take. This is big. Why? Because things are starting to fit together juuuust right. Here is my rationale: If all works out with this job, I can finally retake my pre-reqs as I had planned - I'll add sprinkles to my cupcake and say I'll retake them at Johns Hopkins too - work will reimburse, I can take the courses because I'll still be working, Hopkins is right down the block, and I can finally get the grades I need!!!! Brilliant!!

All this of course is a bit down the road. Doesn't hurt to plan a bit though... I mean, I do have an ultimate to do list....