Sometimes

I flip back and forth between the reality of all this. Am I capable of going through with it or not? My motivation switches on and off so fast....one minute I believe I can do this, I can SEE it all happening and it's so real. The other minute, I'm doubting myself over and over, thinking that I'm kidding myself and just wasting time. I know what I want, but I don't know what's real. It's hard to digest.

Not too many people know about my "project..." I was on the phone with dad this evening and he asked me if I'm planning on furthering my education now that I have this new job. Some people would think, okay, I have a cushy job that I can spend a few years doing, whats the point right? But after about two years, I'll dry up like a prune if I dont advance myself academically. And I'll be replaced with some hotshot kid who just got his masters in neuropathology or something. I get that. But what am I to do? I dont want to get my masters. I want to go to med school. God, I sound like a stubborn 5 year old. Heck I'll go to med school in Antigua for heaven's sake, it doesnt really matter to me. I'm so flustered with all of this, my head is spinning...

I'll be okay...just have to keep my eye on the ball.

In two months I'll have my EMT certification, so thats good news :) I know I said I would cross train in Fire I, but I'll hold off on that for a few more months and just focus on "EMTing." I also wanted to pick up on shadowing again, so I made a few calls and sent a few emails. I was able to connect with a cardiologist at JHUH and he said he would be okay with me tagging along once a week. We are going to set up a meeting at some point to iron out the details.

Until next time..