One more week!

The past two semesters have completely flown by already. I asked myself today if I'm satisfied with my performance thus far. I quickly answered, no. The good news is, I cant say I didnt work hard because I did. Whenever I didnt get the grade I wanted, I would tell myself, well, I'll just have to work harder , thats all. No biggie. Increase study time, change study methods, go to the library, read at home, make notecards, study guides, brew some more coffee....

....spend more time at the library, meet professor during office hours...it never ends.

I suppose everyone has a certain capacity to which they can perform. Maybe I've reached my capacity. If this is it, then I have no excuse not to feel sorry for myself. Or as my tutor so candidly told me to "go drown in my pity hole." Sorry, but I wear floaties.
Between having absolutely no support system, the family drama that I've been going through, and me being terribly hard on myself, it's no wonder that I feel like throwing in the towel. I'm tired, disappointed, and I'm only getting older. How old will I be before I actually pass physics?

On a better note, I've connected with another physics professor who has agreed to help me a little bit next week. He's a really nice guy and he's helped me before. The thing is if we do it on monday, the only time he has available is 8:15AM. Like I said, I'm tired. That means I would have to get up at around 7 so I can start biking at 7:30 (my car is in the shop.) I remember when 7AM was actually late for me but now if feels like the weight of the world is on my head when I have to open my eyes before 8:30.

What else...?

Oh, I started applying for a few jobs, you know, just for a mini head start. I told myself that if I can get a good job, I'll withdraw from my summer classes and work full-time. The good news is that none of the classes that I'm taking over the summer are pre-reqs. Im planning on taking Calc, Stats, and an elective for my bio degree. If I can get "that job" then the bio degree can wait. Honestly.

Anyways, I'm exhausted.... I biked 15 miles yesterday and I'm still feeling the pain. The only good news about my car being
in the shop is that I get a hell of a lot more exercise without it.

Goodnight.